I'm tired of being unhappy, all it took me to realize this was a stupid jerk! He wines that life is so hard (not openly of course, because the cool, tortured people suffer in silence), and "whah whah whah, I don't know where my roots are, where I'm from etc. etc" Well you know what? I just think that you're a scared little boy who suffers greatly from hypocrisy, who doesn't want to be like anyone else because he can't face the world without being "special"!
I may not be mature, nor as smart as you, but fuck you, at least I'm not the hypocrite, I dare to try and live this life and I'm not the fake here, either.
I enjoy the cliches in life, this is who I am, I won't act all emo just to get attention and feel that I'm "special"!

Now all I feel for you is pity. I think you'll feel a lot better once you stop using all your excuses for being unhappy, at least I'm trying to cut down on mine.

Life's a bitch and than you die, the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on and start to actually do something about this mess that is your life!

The sad part is that you'll probably never read this, but hey I feel better.

I'm obsessing. I'm sick, and semi depressed, so I'm making myself feel better by shopping on findcoolclothes.com (I can't wait to get my pink skull sneaks).
Ash is down too, because Gun left yesterday, so now we can be depressed together, because we're both love sick (god, that sounds so horrifically 13-year-old brat-like).
But we might be able to go over there in like 2 weeks, we're trying to plan it all out now. Who decided that life had to be so hard? Who ever it was I dislike them very much right now.

What else? Uhmmmm, well everything is the same I guess, and yet not really, I mean there's Stef, my new school (I'm starting the 28.) and I'm moving. So if you look at it like that things are changing, GOOD! I need change, and I'm hoping it's for the better. But why is Stef so hard to read? You never know what's going in that pretty head of his! Ugh, why do I like him again? Perfection, oh yaah..

I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
Then I said when you were the last.
And I have known love, like a whore
from at least 10,000 more
Then I swore when you were the last

When you were the last high
high
high
high

You were awake,
And I should have stayed, but wandered.
I was only out for a day.
out for a day.
It was Chicago for a moment,
And then it was Paris and London for a few,
days.

Well, I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
Than I swore when you were the last.

When you were the last high
high
high
high
When you were the last high
high
high
high

Well I was the first to have spoken
And I said just about all of the things you shouldn't say.
So maybe you loved me, but now maybe you don't.
And maybe you'll call me.
Maybe you won't.
Oh

So, I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
than I said when you were the last.
And I have known love, like a whore
from at least 10,000 more
then I swore when you were the last.

When you were the last high
High
High
High

When you were the last high
High
High
High

I writing this for the 28. actually, uhm, well today was something of a day, I don't know if it means anything, but I think I really like this guy. He seems totally interesting, the only thing was that Gun kept staring at us to see if we liked each other and he even took a shot of us, and sent it to Ash! (she said we looked cute together..)

Well I'll have to wait and see, only time will tell, as always I'm hoping for the best. He has the cutest curls.

I can't do this anymore, I can'r keep on being the strong one. Too much suffering, if somebody doesn't do something soon, I don't know what's going to happen. I can't stand this, I can't stand being myseelf, or being here.

Today was a great day, if I'm still a wreak, at least I can help others have a better time in this life.
My problems are still there, but somehow they're just not so bad right now.

Finally Ash is coming home, I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks. God, it's boring without her, no one to misbehave with.

I am an imitation of life, a copy of a copy of a copy, I am not real, or at least that's how I feel. I am standing on the sideline of my own life, I can't seem to actually move anywhere.

Everybody in my life wants something from me, I can't not wonder if anyone of them even realizes that I'm feeling this low, or if they just choose to look away. Nobody takes the time to ask me how I am, or if anything is wrong. Everyday it gets harder to hold up my act of feeling perfectly fine.
I just feel as though I'm paralyzed, I'm not really here, I'm just an observer of my own life, I have no control.
I want to disappear.

Today I'm applying for the multimedia designer spot, I hope I get in, it's almost a sure thing, still I'm nervous, and it's not until the end of Juli that I will know for sure. The waiting is the worst.
At least I can look forward to lying on a beach and working on my tan, ahhhh, this Saturday I'm leaving.

When I was about 6 years old, my mom was dating a guy, every time he came over he brought me stuff, and generally was really kind to me, but I didn't like him at all. He kept asking my mom why I disliked him so much.
Anyhow, it was really important to my mom that I liked the guy if she was gonna marry him, but I never did, so one day she found Easke, I loved him, he was a school teacher, maybe still is, so she ended up marrying him. Thanks to me, I s'pose.
So thanks to my great judgment we ended up living with an alcoholic for years, my mom later on found out that he had molested his own daughter, but she couldn't do anything about it. He was also abusive, although he never really went that far or anything, but it just wasn't a fun place to grow up in. Sometimes my mom asks me if I had a good childhood, she says I look sad in most pictures. I guess I sort of do.
So recently I've been thinking what life would have been like if she hadn't listened to me, if we would have been happy, would have had a normal life, a better one.
So I guess it's my own fault that this is where I am now, it's my own fault that this is what I've become. It just doesn't make it any easier to deal with, it's hard to try and deal when you don't know where to start or what to do.

When do you know that you've hit bottom?

I hate being me, why do I have to be so insecure? But the funny thing is that people don't realize that I am that insecure (except Ash, but then again she's the one person that actually knows me), I s'pose it's a good thing that people around me don't see the insecure girl, but that doesn't change the way I feel.

I feel insecure about the way I look (yes, I do realize how vain I sound) and sometimes I actually doubt if I have any personality in me at all. I'm a good actor, hey there's one thing I'm good at then..

And if that wasn't bad enough I have this thing, it's like I'm supposed to remember something really important, it's in the back of my mind, but I can't figure out what it is.ARGHHHH.

Why can't I get this stupid guy out of my head? Please tell me this doesn't mean anything? This isn't how it's supposed to happen.

God I sound like a 13-year-old little brat who's upset about a party or something...

The world is a lonely place, or mine is anyhow. No matter what I keep coming back to this feeling, I really do want to feel better, be normal, I know everyone has their secrets, but I'm scared that at some point this feeling will just swallow me whole.

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=198

Working is hard, my feat are killing me, and it doesn't help that there's a disgusting guy there who A) barely speaks Danish and NO English and B) is being disgustingly grabby ad hands on. I mean seriously if I would want someone to stand that close to me you would know, but when you're a creepy 32 year old desperado, well figure it out yourself!

Good thing is that I get tips, and it's actually a good place to work, I do like it, don't get me wrong, but creepy guys like that just really freak me out.

But besides working in a cafe is a good place to meet people, e.g. cute guys, so yay. I get a workout, money and potential hot guys.

I am addicted to quizilla, but you gotta admit it's kinda fun. Anyhow where do I FIND this guy, who apparently is supposed to be attracted to me...