Nozomi

I'm moving on

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 09:14:14 GMT

I'm tired of being unhappy, all it took me to realize this was a stupid jerk! He wines that life is so hard (not openly of course, because the cool, tortured people suffer in silence), and "whah whah whah, I don't know where my roots are, where I'm from etc. etc" Well you know what? I just think that you're a scared little boy who suffers greatly from hypocrisy, who doesn't want to be like anyone else because he can't face the world without being "special"!
I may not be mature, nor as smart as you, but fuck you, at least I'm not the hypocrite, I dare to try and live this life and I'm not the fake here, either.
I enjoy the cliches in life, this is who I am, I won't act all emo just to get attention and feel that I'm "special"!

Now all I feel for you is pity. I think you'll feel a lot better once you stop using all your excuses for being unhappy, at least I'm trying to cut down on mine.

Life's a bitch and than you die, the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can move on and start to actually do something about this mess that is your life!

The sad part is that you'll probably never read this, but hey I feel better.

Me?

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 23:36:19 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|	16%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|	16%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|	16%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|	16%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	24%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%

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trait snapshot:

messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

Obsessive behaviour

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 09:44:46 GMT

I'm obsessing. I'm sick, and semi depressed, so I'm making myself feel better by shopping on findcoolclothes.com (I can't wait to get my pink skull sneaks).
Ash is down too, because Gun left yesterday, so now we can be depressed together, because we're both love sick (god, that sounds so horrifically 13-year-old brat-like).
But we might be able to go over there in like 2 weeks, we're trying to plan it all out now. Who decided that life had to be so hard? Who ever it was I dislike them very much right now.

What else? Uhmmmm, well everything is the same I guess, and yet not really, I mean there's Stef, my new school (I'm starting the 28.) and I'm moving. So if you look at it like that things are changing, GOOD! I need change, and I'm hoping it's for the better. But why is Stef so hard to read? You never know what's going in that pretty head of his! Ugh, why do I like him again? Perfection, oh yaah..

The last high

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:48:51 GMT

I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
Then I said when you were the last.
And I have known love, like a whore
from at least 10,000 more
Then I swore when you were the last

When you were the last high
high
high
high

You were awake,
And I should have stayed, but wandered.
I was only out for a day.
out for a day.
It was Chicago for a moment,
And then it was Paris and London for a few,
days.

Well, I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
Than I swore when you were the last.

When you were the last high
high
high
high
When you were the last high
high
high
high

Well I was the first to have spoken
And I said just about all of the things you shouldn't say.
So maybe you loved me, but now maybe you don't.
And maybe you'll call me.
Maybe you won't.
Oh

So, I am alone
But adored by a 100,000 more
than I said when you were the last.
And I have known love, like a whore
from at least 10,000 more
then I swore when you were the last.

When you were the last high
High
High
High

When you were the last high
High
High
High

Overthinking it, or just happy?

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 06:49:13 GMT

I writing this for the 28. actually, uhm, well today was something of a day, I don't know if it means anything, but I think I really like this guy. He seems totally interesting, the only thing was that Gun kept staring at us to see if we liked each other and he even took a shot of us, and sent it to Ash! (she said we looked cute together..)

Well I'll have to wait and see, only time will tell, as always I'm hoping for the best. He has the cutest curls.

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 23:37:39 GMT

I can't do this anymore, I can'r keep on being the strong one. Too much suffering, if somebody doesn't do something soon, I don't know what's going to happen. I can't stand this, I can't stand being myseelf, or being here.

Great day

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 18:58:41 GMT

Today was a great day, if I'm still a wreak, at least I can help others have a better time in this life.
My problems are still there, but somehow they're just not so bad right now.

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 19:59:17 GMT

Finally Ash is coming home, I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks. God, it's boring without her, no one to misbehave with.

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 23:46:44 GMT

I am an imitation of life, a copy of a copy of a copy, I am not real, or at least that's how I feel. I am standing on the sideline of my own life, I can't seem to actually move anywhere.

Uncoditional love?

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 05:54:06 GMT

Everybody in my life wants something from me, I can't not wonder if anyone of them even realizes that I'm feeling this low, or if they just choose to look away. Nobody takes the time to ask me how I am, or if anything is wrong. Everyday it gets harder to hold up my act of feeling perfectly fine.
I just feel as though I'm paralyzed, I'm not really here, I'm just an observer of my own life, I have no control.
I want to disappear.

Multimedia designer, me?

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 09:30:28 GMT

Today I'm applying for the multimedia designer spot, I hope I get in, it's almost a sure thing, still I'm nervous, and it's not until the end of Juli that I will know for sure. The waiting is the worst.
At least I can look forward to lying on a beach and working on my tan, ahhhh, this Saturday I'm leaving.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 21:41:37 GMT

When I was about 6 years old, my mom was dating a guy, every time he came over he brought me stuff, and generally was really kind to me, but I didn't like him at all. He kept asking my mom why I disliked him so much.
Anyhow, it was really important to my mom that I liked the guy if she was gonna marry him, but I never did, so one day she found Easke, I loved him, he was a school teacher, maybe still is, so she ended up marrying him. Thanks to me, I s'pose.
So thanks to my great judgment we ended up living with an alcoholic for years, my mom later on found out that he had molested his own daughter, but she couldn't do anything about it. He was also abusive, although he never really went that far or anything, but it just wasn't a fun place to grow up in. Sometimes my mom asks me if I had a good childhood, she says I look sad in most pictures. I guess I sort of do.
So recently I've been thinking what life would have been like if she hadn't listened to me, if we would have been happy, would have had a normal life, a better one.
So I guess it's my own fault that this is where I am now, it's my own fault that this is what I've become. It just doesn't make it any easier to deal with, it's hard to try and deal when you don't know where to start or what to do.

Am I being to dramatic? (it wouldn't be the first time)

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 19:26:36 GMT

When do you know that you've hit bottom?

The insecure girl

Sun, 18 Jun 2006 17:51:05 GMT

I hate being me, why do I have to be so insecure? But the funny thing is that people don't realize that I am that insecure (except Ash, but then again she's the one person that actually knows me), I s'pose it's a good thing that people around me don't see the insecure girl, but that doesn't change the way I feel.

I feel insecure about the way I look (yes, I do realize how vain I sound) and sometimes I actually doubt if I have any personality in me at all. I'm a good actor, hey there's one thing I'm good at then..

And if that wasn't bad enough I have this thing, it's like I'm supposed to remember something really important, it's in the back of my mind, but I can't figure out what it is.ARGHHHH.

Why can't I get this stupid guy out of my head? Please tell me this doesn't mean anything? This isn't how it's supposed to happen.

God I sound like a 13-year-old little brat who's upset about a party or something...

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 10:35:09 GMT

The world is a lonely place, or mine is anyhow. No matter what I keep coming back to this feeling, I really do want to feel better, be normal, I know everyone has their secrets, but I'm scared that at some point this feeling will just swallow me whole.

Something to laugh about

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 19:18:13 GMT

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=198

My day

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 22:00:17 GMT

Working is hard, my feat are killing me, and it doesn't help that there's a disgusting guy there who A) barely speaks Danish and NO English and B) is being disgustingly grabby ad hands on. I mean seriously if I would want someone to stand that close to me you would know, but when you're a creepy 32 year old desperado, well figure it out yourself!

Good thing is that I get tips, and it's actually a good place to work, I do like it, don't get me wrong, but creepy guys like that just really freak me out.

But besides working in a cafe is a good place to meet people, e.g. cute guys, so yay. I get a workout, money and potential hot guys.

My obssession with quizilla and where do I FIND this guy?

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 19:41:53 GMT

What type of person is drawn to you? (Amazing anime pics!)

Understanding: You two will probably know that you were meant to be from the moment you meet each other. They understand you and will be kind out of heart without wishing anything in return. They love to see you happy. You are probably a lot like them too! Even though they may not be the hottest of the bunch, they are openminded and love everything about you and that's what matters! Count on this person to always be there for you and trully love you for the person you are. Try not to get too carried away in your own world though. You two are all about the meaning in everything. This person is drawn to you by your acceptance, kindness, and emotional will towards all people. This person will want to spend the rest of thier lives with you and live thier life to the fullest with you by thier side.
Take this quiz!

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I am addicted to quizilla, but you gotta admit it's kinda fun. Anyhow where do I FIND this guy, who apparently is supposed to be attracted to me...

Okay, where IS this guy? Kinda scary, but hey..

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 22:16:20 GMT

DREAM GUY quiz - The One for you (girls only)

WOW.There it is...The girl i would kill with my own bare hands...Girl,you don't know how lucky you actually are...The HOTTEST.The SMARTEST.The MOST charming.The MOST wanted! That's your dream guy. And guess what? He wants you... (me: O__O) I am SO jealous...This guy could take you to could nine in a second.This guy could drive you crazy with his kisses.This guy knows the best ways to give you pleasure (yes,i am talking about sex!) This guy could protect you from any enemy and stand by your side no matter what happens. He's not just hot,sexy,good-looking...loving,smart,amazing,incredible,adored...he's a lot more.He's EVERYTHING!And no matter what you thought in the beggining,in the end he will be your savoir,your friend,your lover,he will be...your life.
Take this quiz!

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That's me..

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 22:06:13 GMT

What kind of kiss are you?

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never knows what you're going to come up with next; this creates great excitement and arousal never knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end in a kiss as great as your mystery.
Take this quiz!

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What guys are looking at you? (stupid quiz)

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 21:34:28 GMT

A nice, church-going boy likes you. He may seem quiet, but once you get to know him he's really nice and a lot of fun! You two most likely met and church and during the sermon he probably isn't looking at the preacher, but sneaking a peek at you. (If you don't go to church and think this is way off, sorry, but I'm basing this off of a boy that likes my friend.)

1931 other people got this result!
This quiz has been taken 11421 times.
17% of people had this result.

Please shoot me... I need to learn to stay away from quizilla..

Competition

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 10:59:18 GMT

Ash and I are having a competition on who can lose the most weight from today til the 20. Since she has to study for her 2 last exams, she can't really do anything with me, so she came up with the idea about who can lose the most weight in the 12 days, I can defiantly use losing some weight, she's slim already, I think she's doing this for me really, to support me, it's more fun when it's a competition and not just me sitting on a diet. But since she's busy, I'll have time to work out too, I just need to buy me some proper shoes.

I feel quite good about this, I really think I can do this. Plus I want to look good for when we go to Graesten, not that I have any hopes, well okay, I always have hopes, but I mean I do want to look good in general too, so it's really for myself.

Also I want to look my best when I start school again, new beginning and a new me, well actually the old me with some improvements.

Good day?

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 08:59:58 GMT

The weather seems nice, so I'm trying to be positive, let's just hope today will be a good day. Although Ash hasn't answered yet about what we're supposed to do today, but probably the usual hanging around Copenhagen, this is always enjoyable, so it must be a good day (?). Plus we still have to talk about our big trip and all.

Now my only question is: what to wear? (God, why couldn't that just always be the biggest issue in my life? This is hard enough, but all the other stuff.. Focus! BE POSITIVE!)

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 18:35:37 GMT

I hate feeling this way, I just want to cry and drown in my own tears, I know I sound like a two year old, but I feel so bad, and the guilt of feeling this way isn't helping. If I at least could understand what is causing this, but I don't, I don't really have a reason, I mean if I knew what's causing this I could work at fixing it. I can't even get myself to tell my best friend, she knows I'm moody, but I haven't ever felt this down before.

I love her, but why is she making me feel like this? Doesn't she get that she's hurting me? Does she see, but just doesn't care? Before I thought all I needed was a boy to save me, but now I'm not to sure (it's beside thee point that there is no boy to save me, anyhow). I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror anymore, how is anybody else supposed to be able to care for me in that way, if I don't even like myself enough to do anything about it? I fear that soon I won't even be able to stand out of bed, already I dread going out anywhere, I'm okay until I actually have to go, suddenly I just want to stay and watch tv and eat, not because I'm hungry, just because.. I don't know why.

She makes me wan to cry, I really can't figure out if she turns her head the other way intentionally, because she can't face my troubles also or because she simply doesn't care, sometimes I just want to scream and just break every single thing in the room.

First entry

Sun, 28 May 2006 19:09:40 GMT

My first entry, I don't really have anything interesting to say (do I ever, really?). Nothing new, I might be leaving this house tomorrow, maybe the day I've been waiting for is tomorrow..?